Did You Get Up At All?

I think I've lost faith.

I'm feeling spiritually empty. I feel like God is no longer with me, like He no longer rules my life, and other things, stuff like money, and time do instead.

I no longer have any passion for playing drums, for playing worship. It's as if all the joy I used to feel has been sucked out.

I know God is still there, He helps me out of the hard times, pulls me up when I fall, but I also feel like it's very half hearted on my behalf. I'm not playing worship until I can get the spiritual side of my life cleared up, and although I have explained this to a flat mate of mine, I haven't shared the whole situation with anyone until now.

When I was looking for jobs, I was sick of lying to my parents, sick of hoping my loan would keep coming thru so I could pay rent and get food. So I prayed, it was a last resort, and I know it shouldn't have been. My prayers were answered and I dove head first into work, forgetting who brings me these good things in the first place.

Being in the flat I'm in, with who I'm with, I was kind of hoping that the extra support would help, and at least I've found a church, but I don't go with any regularity, infact, I introduced myself, jokingly, to a guy I already knew, as "Kat, the 5th member of The Flat" (because, well, that's how everyone knows us) and he looked at me and said "seriously? Well, uh, hi!"

But instead of feeling supported, and helping the guys, I feel like I'm dragging them all down with me.

I guess this is sort of a confession, I'm sure somewhere in the Bible it says "confess your sins to others" so that's what, I guess, I'm doing.