Shortbus

NOTE: This is an archive post from LiveJournal which has been logged here for posterity.

See it.

Best film I've seen since I can't remember when.

:-)

Be Fast, Be Furious

ok, if you've downloaded Fast and The Furious, you can stop reading.

But this movie is GOOD. It's mostly Point Break with cars, but there's a little something in there for everyone.

And unlike Tomb Raider, it doesn't bother to establish a plot.

Hot guys, with hot cars going superfast and under trucks with an awesome soundtrack. Granted, this isn't the brilliance of Moulin Rouge or Shrek, but imho, the best action movie this year.

A little late in coming, but Cats & Dog's is also worth a looksie, the jokes are great, and is kinda remenescent of The Matrix or Independance Day, I'm not sure why, but those are the two movies it reminded me of.

Cats And Dogs: 5/5 little gopher dudes

Fast & The Furious: 4/5

*outies*

when you're at the bottom you can only go one way

On Planet of the Apes I guess no one can really write a correct review of this without having seen the original, but this is what I'm about to attempt.

I actually saw this on Tuesday with Crazywld, however I haven't gotten around to writing this until now. The makeup is amazing, the acting is beautiful. The plot however is entirely predictable. I have heard the general plot of the first one (remember, I haven't seen it) and the 2001 version is not only different, but still entirely predictable.

And there is no way in which the movie could have been ended without being pure cheese.

I give it 3/5 little gopher dudes, but I can't remember where the image is, so scroll down the bottom and look at them there :-P

tra la la la la

Today, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and anyone in any other categories, I'm gunna rant about Aria Farm Beef Chips.

I highly suggest people in no way buy these little expensive peices of cardboard.

Have you ever had a McDonald's patty? By that I mean no bun, no petty excuse for vegetables, no sauces, just a patty? They taste like watered down cardboard, and so, do Aria Farm Beef Chips.

The chips smell a little like lamb, and taste, well, much like what I'd expect a good meal of fried dog food to taste like.

Needless to say, they are not good, and I do not like them, and they get NO little gopher dudes, which is a worse score then Pearl Harbor (and that's saying something). The reason I say this, is I managed to sit thru the full 3 hours of Pearl Harbor, yet couldn't eat 2 Aria Farm Beef Chips.

On a Pearl Harbor note however; Shrek. , (brilliant movie by the way, reminiscent of The Princess Bride. with it's humor and gets 6/5 little gopher dudes) has out grossed Pearl Harbor in the US Box Office, in fact, Pearl Harbour hasn't even broken even yet (this meaning Ben Afflek, who gets a percentage of the profits of the film, has received nothing for his role yet).

Pearl Harboru

Despite it's big budget, Pearl Harbour does not live up to expectations. Even before I saw the movie I had my first line sorted out, no movie, this hyped up could ever meet the public expectations. Even with this in mind, and trying to have no expectations at all, I still thought this movie sucked.

If you've seen Titanic, then in my opinion, you've seen Pearl Harbour.

Both movies follow the same formula: 75 minutes of love story and background, 75 minutes extreme graphic footage of the event, 30 minutes closing off.

Both have certain scenes in common, such as the sinking of the ship, in Titanic's case this was their money shot, in Pearl Harbour's case not so. In Titanic, there is a scene depicting bodies getting taken out of the water, there is an almost identical scene in Pearl Harbour.

These are only two examples of the many that make the two so similar.

At least Pearl Harbour has a slight twist to the love story, and although it has been done before, fits well into the story line.

The performance of Kate Beckinsale is a highlight of this movie, and does a beautiful job of depicting a nurse torn between two love interests. While Ben Afflek gives a less then stirling performance, Josh Hartnett deserves a mention for his acting, and all three are good for eye candy appeal.

The costumes are often not in tune with the era (1941), and we see Beckinsale's midriff, and is often fitted in more 60's clothing.

The film's money shot, where the Japanese bomb the ship 'Arizona' is spectacluar, amongst all the shouting and screaming, the whole thing gets blotted out into an erie silence as the bomb is followed from the chute, thru 3 floors, into the ship, it shows the reactons of those on board, and is a really great shot in itself.

All in all I give it 2/5 little gopher dudes for the shot and the eyecandy appeal.

You don't have to wear that dress tonight

Moulin Rouge. I saw it last night, and I have got to say, it's the funniest musical I have ever seen.

It's worth seeing for the costumes, camera effects and scenery alone. The story line isn't spectacular, and neither is the acting, but the singing and dancing numbers make up for it.

I found it amazing how they managed to include Nirvana, Madonna, and even Sting into a movie set in 1900 and make it seem like it's supposed to be there. The music is all pumped and popped up, but you can overlook that when watching the movie, and it even has a token black man.

Even Kylie Minouge got a cameo appearance!!

The movie is set around Cameron, a playwright, in Paris in 1899 and his experience of love at the Moulin Rouge, a popular night club. It covers the themes of jealousy, love, truth, honor and death, everything you want in a film. It's the kinda film that makes you sing along and laugh quite constantly, even some of the lines come from popular songs of the last 20 years.

Do see it, I give it 3/5 little gopher dudes.

Oh, this can't be good...

It's just turned 6am and I'm online, I'm suffering from a huge case of insomnia, and have the headache from 'Nam. Infront of me I have a bottle of water, bought from the evil StarMart down the road, and I'm trying to be quiet so as not to wake my flatmate's girlfriend who is sleeping in the room next to the computer.

I honestly, feel like shit.

So, I have decided to do a review post....

Movies
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Now I know I've told some people I wouldn't see this movie, and it has to be said I'm not a huge fan of the Rialto (or George Cloony), but this movie had some very good places. The end, in particular, I liked. This isn't a 'I liked the end because it had come' type scenario, it was more for the fact that it is rare these days that you get a definate, good ending. Although it bored me to death at times, this movie gets 3/5 little gopher dudes.



Save The Last Dance
Three Words: Teenage, soppy, shit. (guess which review I wrote last?) 1/5 little gopher dude.




The Dish
This is from the creators of 'The Castle'. It has to be said that I really wasn't fussed on that movie, but this one is carried out so well, and it's actually based on fact. The only thing that I didn't actually like about this movie was the Australian accents. For anyone who has seen the trailor and thought it looked shit, I suggest you actually see it. I give it 4/5 little gopher dudes.



The Mexican
Two of the hottest actors in Hollywood right now, Julia Roberts and Brad Pitt... this movie is worth seeing for it's sex appeal alone I totally enjoyed it. The plot twists so many times, a couple too many say some people, but it leaves you on your toes. My flatmate has compared this movie to 'Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels' and I'd be inclined to agree with him. The movie also involves black and white silent film parts explaining the history of 'The Mexican', a gun that Jerry (Pitt) has been sent to find and bring back to his Mob boss. 4/5 little gopher dudes.



Books
Bent Not Broken, Lauren Roche
Life On The Line, Lauren Roche
Most people have heard about these two books; interviews with the author and snippets from the book can be found everywhere from Talkback Radio, to Womans Day to Holmes. These Books are the life story about the author, the majority of which are set in Wellington. The first book details her struggle from being an abused child, a stripper, sex worker, stowaway and finally a doctor. The second her son's peadiophillia, drug addiction, coming out and bankruptcy. These books read very well and have you glued to them, they're amazing, and utterly breathtaking when you remember that they're entirely true. Definately worth a read, I give them both 5/5 little gopher guys.

Francesa Rudkin Drinks Diet Coke

To put this in an easy and clear format: I've left my course and am working as one of those annoying Hoyts Cinema Attendants in the sparkly blue waistcoats and bowties.

(Hence why I had a Hannibal Preview earlier)

So, why have I not told the world the trials and tribulations of my job seeking etc? Well, for a couple of reasons, one: my mother didn't know until a couple of days ago (and yes, she still does read these columns, just comments under different names apparently...), two: I couldn't be bothered. So now, while I can be bothered I'll give a quick recap of the last couple of weeks and what has been going on in them.

First of all, I gathered many opinions and lots of advice. Then I went on a huge scoot all around Wellington one night and made up my mind.
I then left my course.
I was now searching for a job, any job, as long as it payed money, I would take it.
First of all there was the kitchen hand position, I got a trial, at 5am the next morning. So I went to bed early, got to sleep, to wake up 3 hours later to remember we lived above a pub, and Thursday night (being the night I was trying to sleep on) was the loudest of them all. Needless to say, I woke up with a start at 7am, a huge chorus of 'FUCK' was sung around the house, a phonecall to the company appologising, and I was back on the hunt.
I was now looking for a job, any job, as long as it payed money and had nothing to do with food preperation.
Then I tried StarMart, to be turned down in favour of my flatmate (!!).
Then I was getting desperate, I hated not telling my parents and sitting around the house all day, so I tried two different New Worlds.
Then I responded to an ad in the paper for Hoyts.
I got a New World and Hoyts interview on the same day. I must have been pretty impressive 'cos I got them both.
But Hoyts gives you free movies and previews (all I could think of was "Lord Of The Rings!!!!').
So I took Hoyts.
My mother got tipped off on her birthday about 3-4 days before I was going to tell the p's, another chorus (this time with an encore) of 'FUCK' was sung.
P's are OK with it, I'm working.
I write this column

Easy peasy really. So there you go :-)

I probably should have warned of extreme diary-like content.

Aw fuck it.

Warning: Hannibal spoilers Within

Well, I've seen a preview of Hannibal (yes, I do realise it doesn't come out 'til Thursday). I must say, Julianne Moore makes a terrible Claris Starling.

Anthony Hopkins' portrayl of Hannibal however, was brilliant, better then Silence of The Lambs in my opinion. His timing, his stance, the way he spoke, it was all art.

The make up effects were spectacular, even if they at some points had the entire audience gagging.

The plot doesn't follow what I have heard the one of the book is, well, at least the ending is different, Hannibal and Claris do not become lovers, and she does not become a cannibal. Thank God, it was bad enough watching a guy eat his own brain (yep, eat his own brain), I don't think I could have stomached watching Claris eat it as well. I barely stomached the rest of it.

I won't give away the entire plot, I'm sure it wouldn't take too much searching the net to find it out, but The Making of Hannibal completely overlooks the importance of a role that isn't even mentioned, and yes, for those who have read the book, there are pigs, they are huge, and it is gruesome.

This movie isn't for the faint of heart (or stomach) and it is definately R18 for a reason, but Anthony Hopkins' portrayl makes it worth seeing.

I missed Jodie Foster :-(

And in other news.....

What's your favourite childhood movie? Mine is Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, so I was rather disturbed to read this:

Satanic Willy (Taken From Woman's Day, February 19 2001)

News from the Just When You Thought it Was Safe to Take Your Kids to the Movies file: Satanic shock-rocker Marilyn Manson is set to star in Tim Burton's remake of the classic children's movie Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory.

The pallid poseur, notorious for using chainsaws, fake blood and fire in his twisted stage act, swears he won't play Wonka as a sweet and gentle candy czar the way Gene Wilder did in the 1971 original. "I really see the movie as a metaphor. I see Willy Wonka as Satan because he presents people with the temptation of picking good and evil, and they all pick evil," says the controversial entertainer who owns the skeleton of a seven-year-old Chinese boy and reportedly keeps a torture rack in his dressing room. No word yet on whether the film's soundtrack will contain subliminal messages.

----

And in other news.... Paul Holmes has been nominated for a Tui award for "Best New Act", what is the world coming to???

I can't really think of a title for this one, so it hasn't got one.

Deb came over again today, was very nice to see her again.

Had a great lunch, which was followed by a movie. We really had no idea what the movie was that we were seeing so once we got in and it started we were in for quite a shock!

First of all we were presented with an usher who wouldn’t shut up, she just kept talking, telling us meaningless ramble, and then talking to the audience right through the previews, I was very tempted to throw M&M’s at her, but had I done that I would have found myself one precious M&M short. I’ve never seen an usher talk so much, and to be honest, I hope I never do again.

The movie we saw was Final Destination it’s from the makers of the X Files and you’d think the website (www.deathiscoming.com) would give us some insight, but no, we went happily trotting along. Personally I was thinking something thriller-esque, but I was presented with a full on horror.

The movie was GREAT!!

It was missing a few things, such as a nice hunky guy sitting next to me so I could use him as an eye shield instead of my hands, but overall, fabulous!

It really was scary, and the best bit was it wasn’t over-rated (such as Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer). It won’t be getting any sequels, and had heaps of hunky stars, even though they all died.

I came out with that great feeling you get from horrors when they’ve been really good, a mix of enthusiasm for the movie and a great rush of adrenalin.

So I’m definitely up for American Psycho tomorrow night :-)

we all live IN a yellow submarine

The Treasure Island thing, it's weird, I had to fill in this HUGE form (check it out here) which asked some really bullshit questions.... but they made me think that's for sure, it took me about an hour to fill in. I couldn't think of the scariest thing I'd ever done, I ended up saying moving out of home. But I can touch my toes without bending my knees (just).

I don't think I'll get in, I wouldn't look good on camera, but I guess you have to be in to win right?

I'm planning a movie day tomorrow. I'm spending half my day at the movie theater, I have some money, thanks to my tax return, and golly gosh, I'm going to treat myself, I'm planning to see The Sculls, followed by Scary Movie and finally Hollow Man. I've always wanted to do something completely stupid like that, I think I'll end up getting the story lines all mixed up though...

On another note, for students and poor people out there, there's a cool site out there that actually gives free stuff away (I wanted to try it and get some free stuff before I promoted it) it's at http://www.stuff4free.co.nz and it's damn good, I've got a packet of free corn nuts (taste like shit), free can of top secret (goes well with vodka) and I'm waiting on a free post it notes & holder as well as free sports balm. For those lucky bitches in Auckland you can get a free blank video as well.

and a new feature to my column, that will be running for the next week is "Days until greeny's birthday" this is partially to remind my mother about the big cheque and cake I want, and partially to get all you people to send me cheesy net cards so I feel loved ;P

DAYS 'TIL GREENY'S BIRTHDAY

5 Days


(I'll be 18)

Can I Have Some Peanut Butter?

I saw Meet Joe Black, for the first time in my life this morning, and I have come to realise that words cannot describe how brilliant this movie is. Yes, it's a chick flick, but since I only like a few chick flicks it's OK. I can think of 3, they being: Girl Interrupted, Meet Joe Black, and, of course, Pretty Woman, who can forget that gaudy polka-dot dress.... no matter how hard they tried?

On another topic, someone is trying very hard indeedio to destroy the hostel at the moment, I walked downstairs this morning to find: 1) The smokers room closed due to fire damage (the booth had been on fire and the seats are ruined) 2) Someone's dinner all over the floor in front of the elevator 3) A couch literally ripped apart and strewn all over the floor and 4) A table spread-legged on the floor.

The place is a MESS.

And on that note, I'll go.