You Don't Mean It But It Hurts Like HELL

I'm not sure what is worse:
one: Being in a bad mood.
two: Being asked why you're in a bad mood.
three: Being not sure why you're in a bad mood.

I'm not really a person who talks about things deep and meaningful much in real life, I much prefer to keep things light most of the time, talking about my feelings, or generally talking about me... it's just not right.

I think somehow I was influenced by a book I read long ago, during my time with no friends, you have probably heard about it. 'How To Win Friends and Influence People' I only actually remember two things from this book:
one: The sweetest sound in the world to anyone, is the sound of their own name.
two: People like talking about themselves.
So, I tend to talk to people about themselves, and am quite self concious of talking about myself, the exception being if I've done a good job of something, I tell everyone.

And I don't talk about my moods. Not because I don't want to, but I can't. I've trained myself not to.

As for not knowing why I'm in a bad mood... I have a few ideas..

Underwater, Holding My Breath

Yay for best friends reading columns and promptly sending down a big box of fruit and veg :-)

and if anyone can tell me the artist and song of THAT title I will personally send them a chocie fish, I promise.

EDITOR NOTE: I think the friend is Chari and the song was by Soda and called 'Underwater'

I want It, Hug Me Like A Grizzley Bear

10 points for anyone who can tell me the name and the artist that sings the song from which the title was taken.

I was thinking, well, I have been thinking, I have been told in the past that my posts were depressing, so I took action to try and make them happy, the result was boring posts, so here I am, back to my depressing styles.

Is life for enjoying? I think so, so why, I must ask myself do I feel stuck in a rut, doing a course I hate so much words cannot describe, spending my spare time doing nothing much, but at least doing it with friends.

The course, I hate it, the thought of going almost drives me to tears, I'm not interested at all in what they're telling me, and my wings just wish to be free. I want to do something I like, and at this point of my life, I know I won't know exactly what I want for a while yet. My mother's 40-something and has only just worked out what she wants to do.

My free time is spent getting fat, I've got the worst diet ever, I hardly ever eat, and when I do it's either junk food or toasted sandwiches. There's no point going anywhere these days, everything is within 10 steps of me pretty much, there have been a few times where I haven't been out of my flat at all for two days straight.

It's getting to a point where I've just gotta yell out in a big voice "Oi! You! No!" and make myself go out, get a bit of exercise and maybe, just maybe, eat some fruit and vegetables.

I'm constantly tired, I never want to get out of bed, and when I finally do, I just want to go back there an hour or two later.

My life is going nowhere, I'm not enjoying it, I'm not going to kill myself, but I feel it's a time for a change.

Constant, Over, Stimulation, Numbs Me

Woah, I'm on four hours sleep, I've had the most fucked up 24 hours in my life.

I was sitting with Robin and Seth watching one of my numerous videos last night, all is reasonable and normal, until the glass starts breaking. Seth and I freeze to realise the sound is coming from my room. On further investigation, nobody was trying to break into my room, which was good, however breaking glass was falling from the floor above me down onto the varandah outside my window. So Robin gets up, goes upstairs, and the guys room has been trashed. There are huge holes in the windows, heaps of smashed stuff and it's generally not a pretty sight. Robin took off to the bar which we rent the flat off to report it, turns out the guy works there, and his girlfriend was responsible. So there ya go guys.... how much do you trust your girl?

Then, having had 4 hours sleep, I was awakened to find that it's raining..... in my hallway!!! Now this wouldn't be too strange if we were say, at the top of the building, but, we have two floor above us. The rain was coming down, through two floors and into our hall, and onto the carpet we have there, so now it's (the carpet) nailed onto our wall, with five or so heaters going to dry it out before the flat warming tomorrow.

I'm beginning to understand why (1) We have hardwood floors and (2) the rent's so cheap.

My Own Worst Enemy

Arg, what a night.

It was my cousin's flat warming last night (Friday) and I managed to get through the better half of a 40oz of Coruba.

I don't remember much, somehow I have some scratches on my arms, and I vaguely remember talking to DebXena on my phone.

But at about 12am I had this bright idea that a walk may sober me up, so I wobbled my way down Willis St, down to Manners, where I decided I wasn't sober enough and McDonalds was a good idea (to anyone wondering, I never go to bed too drunk, and therefore don't have hangovers) so one Quarter Pounder Combo later I was swerving my way back up Cuba Street and home.

Having being greeted with the confidence course in our hall (tyres, not sure why they're there, but they are) I stumbled over them, to get a phone call and have to go out again.

So all up, quite a confusing night really.

The Cuba Festival's on, it's like a giant party right outside my house. I've been on a blowup confidence course (you know the ones usually for kids??? *evil grin*), seen some bands, and seen a parade from an awesome viewpoint.... the top of the Bristol Hotel :-)... I love my house.

And in other news.....

What's your favourite childhood movie? Mine is Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, so I was rather disturbed to read this:

Satanic Willy (Taken From Woman's Day, February 19 2001)

News from the Just When You Thought it Was Safe to Take Your Kids to the Movies file: Satanic shock-rocker Marilyn Manson is set to star in Tim Burton's remake of the classic children's movie Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory.

The pallid poseur, notorious for using chainsaws, fake blood and fire in his twisted stage act, swears he won't play Wonka as a sweet and gentle candy czar the way Gene Wilder did in the 1971 original. "I really see the movie as a metaphor. I see Willy Wonka as Satan because he presents people with the temptation of picking good and evil, and they all pick evil," says the controversial entertainer who owns the skeleton of a seven-year-old Chinese boy and reportedly keeps a torture rack in his dressing room. No word yet on whether the film's soundtrack will contain subliminal messages.

----

And in other news.... Paul Holmes has been nominated for a Tui award for "Best New Act", what is the world coming to???

A Scene From Psycho

Our shower, is red.

I dyed my hair today, red, not sure how it looks at the moment, it's still wet, I have a feeling it's bright red down the bottom (where it used to be blonde) and a milder red up the top (where it was my natural brown colour).

I honestly am spending my Friday evening doing my hair, rather then going out... I watch a lot of TV1 these days, I want to see two or three films at the Rialto.... am I getting old? I doubt it!

The last couple of days have been fun. On Valentines day I received a phone call, which hyped me up a bit, from an old friend, to which my flatmates were kept amused for a while mocking me about. The next day he and I went out to lunch, walked around the waterfront, did the free things (Te Papa, made fun of French Navy Dudes) and then came home and talked for a while, then he left, the flatties came home and the interrogation began!! (EDITOR'S NOTE: either Blair or Andy, I'm pretty sure it was Andy)

I've been told by Dave, my oldest flatmate, that now I'm flatting with them it's like having four older brothers and they'll wanna meet all my friends.... geez, what happened to the 'do not judge' bit in the Bible? (as all of my flatmates are Christian)

Today was spent doing my favourite thing EVER... spending money. Course related costs came through today so I spent the day with Seth (my famous flatmate, he was part of The Edge promotion, 'Inmates' about this time last year) in Petone getting chef stuff, groceries and hair dye :-P

Have you ever tried to spend $1000?? It's a lot harder then it sounds!! Some of that money's gone on the next 2 week's rent (I'm being responsible for once in my life), some has actually gone on course stuff (the aforementioned chef stuff), which for a student, for anyone who knows a one, is pretty darn amazing!! And of course Cd's (note: Coldplay's Parachutes and Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory are both excellent albums)

So the last couple of days have been rather busy, it's amazing what you get up to once you don't have any television to watch...