NOTE: This is an archive post from LiveJournal which has been logged here for posterity.
OK, I'm terrible at updating, I'm sorry.
No, actually, I'm not. My personal journal (a strange thing these days - it's written on actual paper with a real pen) has a large number of entries. In my absence from online blogging I've started reassessing myself, and I'm discovering more and more every day that I am fucked up.
I have body issues and I'm not confident. My total belief that I failed everything this semester led me to come home and mainline vodka (as well as anything else I could get my hands on) half way through the exam period. As it turns out I've passed at least 3 of the 4 subjects and all that worry (not to mention the substantial hangover) were for nothing.
I've stopped smoking. Today is Day 16. Day 17 commences in 19 minutes. The big urges are gone, but occasionally I really want one. I can be around smokers but I find myself lecturing them which is entirely a product of trying to convince myself that I don't want and/or need one. The not smoking thing means that I'm a little more anti-social then usual as I tend to hide in my room watching DVDs, TV or reading.
I'm becoming more and more convinced that I like being single.
I like the independance of being single. I'm a little nutty and well equipt for keeping myself company so the whole companionship thing isn't a big deal - I have friends and I have family and I have myself. I'm beginning to come to the conclusion that unless someone really special comes along; someone who respects me and my boundaries (and my independance - I love that more then any man or woman I'm afraid) that I'm just going to remain single for the rest of my life, and I'm OK with that. I'm not sure my mother will be (I think she's looking forward to the grandkids that probably won't be arriving through me) but I am.
I've been listening alot to Lily Allen. She rocks. She has some very cheeky lyrics but I've been feeling quite feminist and anti-boys lately so she's pretty much the perfect accompaniment. I'm looking foward to the Big Day Out - I will definately be grooving out to her that day.
Well I'm going to go, no doubt I'll be up for a few hours yet with my crappy November-December insomnia but unfortunately the computer room will be closing soon
Rainbows and Lollipops
