A gentleman doesn't cum in your mouth

NOTE: This is an archive post from LiveJournal which has been logged here for posterity.

Heh... been dying to use that as a title for over a week now. Quite possibly the world's funniest quote... but anyway...

I'm beginning to think that perhaps I don't take enough risks... that perhaps there's alot more to life then what I do with it. That there are people out there to meet, people to fuck, things to do.

That perhaps the existence I've been carving for myself over the years - hiding in my own shell, celebate (the exact time period for that one will not be announced to the world...) and hiding away from everything - well, maybe that's not the way I should live.

The way I'm living now is a damn sight better then the way I was living in mid-2003 where I literally didn't leave my room for fear of gaining the Wrath of The Evil Flatmate. At least life isn't like that anymore.

I'm also not depressed - I'm quite healthy and happy. A little dissatisfied with my weight, but I'd like to think I'm making some positive moves about that - I'm discovering more about myself - I've just got to work up the courage to get the help I need for all that.

I'm not addicted to drugs of any kind, I'm smoke-free, THC-free and (contrary to what those on the 207 field trip might think) I'm not a big drinker.

I get good grades, hold down a job... I'm incredibly lucky in that I'll be moving soon which means a better place and a better job (so excited about the new job).

But I still feel as if I'm missing love, affection. I think part of me feels like I don't deserve it, like I'm too fat, too ugly, too damaged. That it's going to take a special person to understand me - and perhaps all that's true - but I've been getting offers lately - lots of offers. Up until now I've turned down each and every one of them but I'm beginning to wonder if I really should?

Then I get to the point where I almost say yes, the crucial moment, and I freeze. I realise if I have sex with this person that person will abandon me and I'll have to stay and pick up the pieces all over again. That to have sex with that person means tears, and heartbreak and depression and time that I just don't want to spend mending my broken heart again.

Now I realise exactly how badly I was hurt all those years ago. I might not feel anything toward the person now, but I got very badly hurt, and even worse, very badly scarred - and I'm still paying for that one night.

TradeMyIdiot...

NOTE: This is an archive post from LiveJournal which has been logged here for posterity.

Sometimes people like to prove to the world just what kind of idiots they really are. Today I've had a fantastic example of idiocy.

Firstly some background info: I'm a LOTR collector, and back in '04 I picked up some bags at the world premiere that I have been slowly selling when I am poor. I'm down to my last couple and I'd like a good price for them. I've recently put one up on TradeMe where it's been getting a large number of hits and while it hasn't hit reserve yet, these things never do until the last few hours anyway.

So I have this listing, it's doing ok, and then today I get this comment come through my inbox:

"have you checked out the $200 fading ticket stubb above this auction? i hope you all get your prices, i just want your newer bag as i have used MY bag until it is all tacky-looking! lol! :) these sorts of things are not rare at all but the LOTR craze is over. i have put up one-of-a-kind original art for as little as $1 reserve & not got even a nibble! so i wish you well, you guys, i really do!"

This almost killed me. No collector actually uses their bag. None! We have these bags as keepsakes, and they're either protected behind fadeproof glass or tucked away in some dry but dark corner with the rest of our valuable collections. To say his bag is all 'tacky-looking' makes me want to do nothing but hit him with a large and heavy stick!

Secondly I went and had a look at his "art", and found: it's crap.

So I wrote a sweet little reply that went like this:

"lol, well I'm not selling a used ticket stub, I'm selling a genuine collector's item, which many people would keep in pristine condition rather then abusing. You're right, the LOTR craze is over, my 'buy now' price is significantly higher then my reserve price and I don't honestly expect the buy now price to be reached, although it would be nice if it did. These bags, in good condition, rarely come on the market - less then 3000 were made and a significant proportion of them were thrown away. If a genuine collector (and yes, they still exist) wants this item, they will pay the quite reasonable reserve price for it."

Kinda nice seeing as this person seems to be a bit of a nut job and really I just wanted to remove their bid and tell them to go fuck themselves.

Then this evening I log on to find the following two comments:

"touche' about not taking care of one's collector's items...but i have so many!...and all is doomed to fade into the west! :) the bags were designed to be useful after all, & it's tempting to skite around town when you have one"

you must be getting repeat views & people must covet this for its usefulness & commerciality after all! i write "rare" on many of my auctions for things that truly are, ie One of a Kind paintings & prints but they only get the odd hit, i can only assume because it's just "useless" art executed by an "unknown" artist! the original of one belongs to sean astin. he loved it & told me it was going into his LOTR museum. but no one i've told believes me & so far have had little interest in it!"

Here is what I would write if only I hadn't come to the conclusion that this person has some sort of a mental disorder.

Yes, I'm touchy about people who don't take care of their collectors items: if they are not taken care of, they cease to be collectors items. Good for you for having so many, I have quite a few myself - that's the point of being a collector - to amass a collection (or 'collect'). Some may be tempted to skite around town, but most people are secure enough in themselves that they don't have to walk around name dropping. "Rare" means just that - that it 'rarely' comes about, ie only once and a while. "One of a kind" means there is only one. I know perfectly well there is more then one of these bags around - I own more then one. Yes, your art is really quite crap. Fan art hardly ever gets bought because collectors see no point in owning it - if it were an original John Howe or Alan Lee painting then it would be worth thousands, but yours unfortunately is not. No-one belives your story because every man and his dog in this country has a LoTR story - I have numerous LoTR stories. To quote a very famous movie: "You are not special, you are the all singing, all dancing shit of the world"