As a citizen of this country, even as a non-licensed member of this country, I find the petrol prices to be heading well out of crazy, and into ludicrous. The latest price rise from Caltex has made me think.
I can see the many implications that the latest petrol rise could have on me, a non-licensed member of society. I can see public transport costs rising, airfares increasing, and a huge guilt at having friends come to see me on holidays, parents picking me up, my mother’s free taxi service and most importantly, the bribes of “petrol money” will have to be bigger then $5 for someone to take me somewhere.
Our country, although I hate to say it, is living in a very consumer-run society. So I propose a plan. A plan that all my readers, fellow columnists and their friends can take part in. It would very much rely on a huge sector of the country taking part, but word of mouth, and the power of the pen (or in my case, the power of the 14.4kbs modem), could bring the plan into reality.
But first, what are the causes of the price rises? Our petrol prices are crashing through the roof, while our country’s dollar, in relation to the rest of the world, is sinking like the Titanic. The petrol company’s are blaming the price rises on both the dollar and the increased cost of petrol per barrel. Is the world’s crude
oil supply running out? Supply and demand often means that rare commodities, such as petrol will become, can be very harsh on the wallet.
So why does no-one create a solar powered vehicle, or even better, a car that runs on water, that can be implemented into society and become an “every household has one” thing? We already know that vehicles that run on these sources, and even electricity exist. Most of Wellington’s central public transport system runs on electricity taken from wires suspended above the roads, and, every now and again a show like Beyond 2000 will run a segment on a solar powered car. But why do they all seem to disappear never to be seen or heard of again? Many people claim that petrol companies are paying the inventors to keep such machines a secret. Maybe there are plans for these new cars to come out into our mainstream markets in the near future and petrol companies are simply trying to milk every last dollar out of their customers while they still can.
Imagine the rush on these cars! They will sell like wildfire, people will spend their life savings and retirement stashes on them. They will be cheaper to run, and be better on the environment.
But back to the plan. Although we can dream of these cars, their implication into every day life would not come for another 5 years at least. Today, we have to concentrate on the vehicles we do have, the ones that run on petrol, that cost the earth to run, keep running, register, park and manage (are you starting to see why I don’t have a licence yet?). I figure, if a major part of society boycotts the next petrol company (or companies) to rise their prices, eventually, they will have to give. As their petrol prices fall, go back to them, and make the others follow suit. Yes, there is a problem that they may all go out of business, but it has become ludicrous, and it is time for serious action.
Wednesday, August 30, 2000
Saturday, August 26, 2000
The Good, The Bad, and The Horribly Disformed
A wise person once pointed out to me a handy fact, a fact that always makes me feel better when things go to shit, and something that has always helped out my friends and talked a few people out of doing something they could regret later, if they got that opportunity, and today, I am going to point this fact out to you, my
loyal readers, who for some reason continue to read my column.
Life is 80% good and 20% shit, but it is human nature to concentrate on the 20%
A good example is how women want larger breasts, then, having taken steps to get what they want, find that their breasts now make their back hurt, they didn’t appreciate it either way. Another is people growing older and getting wrinkles, they don’t seem to concentrate on the fact that at least wrinkles don’t hurt.
Look on the bright side people, there always is one.
Yes, I’m an optimist, I can see the good in all situations and the glass is always half full.
Next time you feel like you’re having a shit day, look for the good bits, which are often overshadowed by the few moments of unhappiness during the day.
Last December I had a friend stay with me, we had a great time, we hooned around Rotorua in various cars, went to a camp and threw various bits of food around (icecream, cheese...), tested a Ginsu Knife (yes they do actually cut thru cans), went shopping, and generally had a good time. But, on the last couple of days she was with us, she made a mistake that she regrets. A month down the line and she was unhappy, we were chatting on IRC and I told her my little fact, and she asked me to prove it, I typed what could be printed out onto 1 1/2 pages of fun, interesting and cool things we did. Then I asked her to tell me all the bad things, and she could only site this one incident.
True story, she reads my column, and is almost guaranteed to comment on it once she reads this.
Try it.
loyal readers, who for some reason continue to read my column.
Life is 80% good and 20% shit, but it is human nature to concentrate on the 20%
A good example is how women want larger breasts, then, having taken steps to get what they want, find that their breasts now make their back hurt, they didn’t appreciate it either way. Another is people growing older and getting wrinkles, they don’t seem to concentrate on the fact that at least wrinkles don’t hurt.
Look on the bright side people, there always is one.
Yes, I’m an optimist, I can see the good in all situations and the glass is always half full.
Next time you feel like you’re having a shit day, look for the good bits, which are often overshadowed by the few moments of unhappiness during the day.
Last December I had a friend stay with me, we had a great time, we hooned around Rotorua in various cars, went to a camp and threw various bits of food around (icecream, cheese...), tested a Ginsu Knife (yes they do actually cut thru cans), went shopping, and generally had a good time. But, on the last couple of days she was with us, she made a mistake that she regrets. A month down the line and she was unhappy, we were chatting on IRC and I told her my little fact, and she asked me to prove it, I typed what could be printed out onto 1 1/2 pages of fun, interesting and cool things we did. Then I asked her to tell me all the bad things, and she could only site this one incident.
True story, she reads my column, and is almost guaranteed to comment on it once she reads this.
Try it.
Wednesday, August 23, 2000
The sun is shining at my door and my smile is here to stay
Recently I’ve been having really bad sleeping problems, causing me to get up at about 5am, which isn’t all bad ‘cos it means I’m going to classes and I’m getting a good breakfast in me. Well, at breakfast this morning I was reading The Dominion, the morning Wellington paper, catching up on current events and I noticed an ad for the IRD about Tax Returns, now you may be wondering why I hadn’t already applied for a tax return, and I’m not quite sure why not, I think I’m just a dumbass.
But I digress.
While reading, I found I was eligible for a return, and so I put down the paper, ran to my room and rang up the IRD. Well I was eligible for 2 returns, but would only get the one that was worth the most. The lady on the other end of the phone checked the first and stated I was eligible for $16 return... which I thought sucked the nuts of a sterile donkey. So she then checked the second, in which I was eligible for $156!!!
I now have a smile painted on my face and I love the IRD.
Of course it all has to go on my debts, but less debts equals a happier greeny :)
But I digress.
While reading, I found I was eligible for a return, and so I put down the paper, ran to my room and rang up the IRD. Well I was eligible for 2 returns, but would only get the one that was worth the most. The lady on the other end of the phone checked the first and stated I was eligible for $16 return... which I thought sucked the nuts of a sterile donkey. So she then checked the second, in which I was eligible for $156!!!
I now have a smile painted on my face and I love the IRD.
Of course it all has to go on my debts, but less debts equals a happier greeny :)
Sunday, August 20, 2000
Hung as a Dead Horse
So I get this text message at about 6:40pm on Friday night, right? It says something along the lines of "Can I come down?" now, might not seem a silly question if the person sending it to me live withing the Wellington region, or even within the lower half of the North Island, but no, I got a visit from a mate from Rotorua, he just drove down, on the night that petrol rices went up, to see me.
*greeny feels loved*
I spent the better half of Friday night cleaning my room and doing laundry, the better half of early Saturday morning walking all around Wellington and looking for a free car park (which we found in a parking building of all places!!), the second half of the morning sleeping and the entire afternoon doing um, things. Went to Real Groovy, which has been declared one of the best things in Wellington, did the laser sport, got kebabs, spent ages talking, drove to Porirua and got drunk with my rellies, drove back (with the help of a sober driver), and slept..... to be woken up an hour and a half later by snoring....
Maybe I was wrong about wanting a guy.... if you share their bed.... they snore, if you share their room.... they snore...
Snoring's bad.
*greeny feels loved*
I spent the better half of Friday night cleaning my room and doing laundry, the better half of early Saturday morning walking all around Wellington and looking for a free car park (which we found in a parking building of all places!!), the second half of the morning sleeping and the entire afternoon doing um, things. Went to Real Groovy, which has been declared one of the best things in Wellington, did the laser sport, got kebabs, spent ages talking, drove to Porirua and got drunk with my rellies, drove back (with the help of a sober driver), and slept..... to be woken up an hour and a half later by snoring....
Maybe I was wrong about wanting a guy.... if you share their bed.... they snore, if you share their room.... they snore...
Snoring's bad.
Thursday, August 17, 2000
Karma Police
As some may know, and some may not, at this point in time, I am training to become a chef at Massey University Wellington. This might seem like a good career move, and for a year or so I have thought so too, but recently I have decided otherwise. Over the last 5 to 6 weeks I have been facing some major hurdles in my life. Most of which refer to where my life is heading. To make this story clear I may have to back pedal so the following paragraph gives you history of myself.
Since I was about 8 I have wanted to be a teacher. I have wanted to share and give knowledge to young people and have a lot of holidays ;P. This has been my passion since I was eight. When I was about 15 my mother suggested I might make a good journalist; I was good with English, and have a penchant for finding
out stuff (which I must agree with her on) but soon after trying a 6th form Journalism course decided against this. From there my gaze shifted to becoming a chef, I wanted to own a small cafe in Wellington which I would call The Cursing Granny. For this dream my course is relevant, it teaches Chef skills while teaching the business and service aspect at the same time. However, my heart hasn’t been in it at all. I now regret not doing seventh form and for the last month or so all I’ve wanted is to get out of there and teach.
So, with this in mind, today I went to the Coca Cola Careers Expo with the idea of talking to some people and seeing if this dream is attainable. As it stands, yes, it is within my reach. In fact, my chef’s course, piled with my sixth form results gives me almost certain acceptance. As it stands, teacher’s colleges prefer for a student to have been to a tertiary education and have had successful results prior to teacher training. Which is great news for me. Although I love cooking, and enjoy finding out the tips and tricks of professionals and learning
real stuff about food. I don’t want to be stuck in a kitchen in a silly white suit getting crap hours and lousy pay for the rest of my life. I want something where I can make a difference in a person’s life and be doing something I enjoy. So I am returning to my passion, teaching.
Which is weird, because so many people I know are in my boat, a girl in my class doesn’t like the course and wants to teach music, and my cousin began a few BA papers at Auckland University in education this semester.
The only problem I’ve got now is deciding where to go to learn to teach. Of course, I won’t start my training until after my Diploma has finished, at the end of 2001, but I’m thinking Otago or Canterbury, possibly Palmerston North, but that place, to be honest, is a bit of a hole (yes, I DO know, I was born there) and well, I just don’t like Auckland.
Having said all that I’m sure my friends and my parents are saying “What about Wellington?!?!” I’ve been in love with this city for so long, but now, it doesn’t hold the same spark, I want to see the rest of New Zealand.
Once again a big thank you to all the people who supported me through my last column, it’s really appreciated. That was one of the things I’ve been thinking through recently, at the moment is a huge change of direction for my life, and I want to share it with you all, the good, AND the bad :)
Since I was about 8 I have wanted to be a teacher. I have wanted to share and give knowledge to young people and have a lot of holidays ;P. This has been my passion since I was eight. When I was about 15 my mother suggested I might make a good journalist; I was good with English, and have a penchant for finding
out stuff (which I must agree with her on) but soon after trying a 6th form Journalism course decided against this. From there my gaze shifted to becoming a chef, I wanted to own a small cafe in Wellington which I would call The Cursing Granny. For this dream my course is relevant, it teaches Chef skills while teaching the business and service aspect at the same time. However, my heart hasn’t been in it at all. I now regret not doing seventh form and for the last month or so all I’ve wanted is to get out of there and teach.
So, with this in mind, today I went to the Coca Cola Careers Expo with the idea of talking to some people and seeing if this dream is attainable. As it stands, yes, it is within my reach. In fact, my chef’s course, piled with my sixth form results gives me almost certain acceptance. As it stands, teacher’s colleges prefer for a student to have been to a tertiary education and have had successful results prior to teacher training. Which is great news for me. Although I love cooking, and enjoy finding out the tips and tricks of professionals and learning
real stuff about food. I don’t want to be stuck in a kitchen in a silly white suit getting crap hours and lousy pay for the rest of my life. I want something where I can make a difference in a person’s life and be doing something I enjoy. So I am returning to my passion, teaching.
Which is weird, because so many people I know are in my boat, a girl in my class doesn’t like the course and wants to teach music, and my cousin began a few BA papers at Auckland University in education this semester.
The only problem I’ve got now is deciding where to go to learn to teach. Of course, I won’t start my training until after my Diploma has finished, at the end of 2001, but I’m thinking Otago or Canterbury, possibly Palmerston North, but that place, to be honest, is a bit of a hole (yes, I DO know, I was born there) and well, I just don’t like Auckland.
Having said all that I’m sure my friends and my parents are saying “What about Wellington?!?!” I’ve been in love with this city for so long, but now, it doesn’t hold the same spark, I want to see the rest of New Zealand.
Once again a big thank you to all the people who supported me through my last column, it’s really appreciated. That was one of the things I’ve been thinking through recently, at the moment is a huge change of direction for my life, and I want to share it with you all, the good, AND the bad :)
Monday, August 14, 2000
Depression and General Teenage Angst
Well, many people have written deep and meaningful stuff about themselves here, so I figure, while in the mood I'm in I will too.
Note: this column is going to put right some of the biggest lies I've ever told my best friends, please forgive me.
All my life I've never really felt right when it comes to guys. No matter what I did, my weight (which is well above normal) has made me feel like no guy could ever like me.
I'm a virgin, 17, and never been kissed, well there was one time, with a guy I thought I liked, who was 2 years my junior, but it was a peck on the lips, and I don't feel it counts.
No matter how much I tell myself that I'm beautiful, healthy and worthy of a "more then friendship" kind of love, I never quite believe it. The whole idea of a relationship scares me. What do I do? How will it happen?
I've asked guys "out" before, and many times get negative responses, which has never helped my ego. I've had "cyber relationships" with, one guy in particular, that made me feel special, he knew what I looked like, knew who I was, talked to me on the phone and made me feel loved. But nothing physical ever transpired. It was him that gave me my love for Wellington, who inspired me to move here when I finally flew the nest.
I've been asked out once, by a guy who'd previously turned me down twice, and although the idea was appealing, I couldn't bring myself to say yes, I couldn't bring myself to do anything. The question was asked in a drunken slur, and after many hints that the person would "never get laid". I didn't want to be in a relationship where the whole thing was physical, where I wouldn't get the feeling I got from my cyberguy, a feeling of butterflies and feeling giggly.
I've been through the normal "am I gay? am I bi-sexual?" questions, and to be honest, I don't think I am.
But I don't know if a relationship will ever happen either. I know people say "everything in it's own good time" but I can't believe it, I can't believe that the things on TV, the things you see when you're walking down the street, when you see a couple walking hand-in-hand or hugging or kissing, or even fighting, I don't see that happening to me.
So what inspired this tell-all, for my mother and best friends to read? I'm not sure, but maybe now I've told them, I can untangle myself from this web of self-loathing.
Note: this column is going to put right some of the biggest lies I've ever told my best friends, please forgive me.
All my life I've never really felt right when it comes to guys. No matter what I did, my weight (which is well above normal) has made me feel like no guy could ever like me.
I'm a virgin, 17, and never been kissed, well there was one time, with a guy I thought I liked, who was 2 years my junior, but it was a peck on the lips, and I don't feel it counts.
No matter how much I tell myself that I'm beautiful, healthy and worthy of a "more then friendship" kind of love, I never quite believe it. The whole idea of a relationship scares me. What do I do? How will it happen?
I've asked guys "out" before, and many times get negative responses, which has never helped my ego. I've had "cyber relationships" with, one guy in particular, that made me feel special, he knew what I looked like, knew who I was, talked to me on the phone and made me feel loved. But nothing physical ever transpired. It was him that gave me my love for Wellington, who inspired me to move here when I finally flew the nest.
I've been asked out once, by a guy who'd previously turned me down twice, and although the idea was appealing, I couldn't bring myself to say yes, I couldn't bring myself to do anything. The question was asked in a drunken slur, and after many hints that the person would "never get laid". I didn't want to be in a relationship where the whole thing was physical, where I wouldn't get the feeling I got from my cyberguy, a feeling of butterflies and feeling giggly.
I've been through the normal "am I gay? am I bi-sexual?" questions, and to be honest, I don't think I am.
But I don't know if a relationship will ever happen either. I know people say "everything in it's own good time" but I can't believe it, I can't believe that the things on TV, the things you see when you're walking down the street, when you see a couple walking hand-in-hand or hugging or kissing, or even fighting, I don't see that happening to me.
So what inspired this tell-all, for my mother and best friends to read? I'm not sure, but maybe now I've told them, I can untangle myself from this web of self-loathing.
Sunday, August 13, 2000
Can I Have Some Peanut Butter?
I saw Meet Joe Black, for the first time in my life this morning, and I have come to realise that words cannot describe how brilliant this movie is. Yes, it's a chick flick, but since I only like a few chick flicks it's OK. I can think of 3, they being: Girl Interrupted, Meet Joe Black, and, of course, Pretty Woman, who can forget that gaudy polka-dot dress.... no matter how hard they tried?
On another topic, someone is trying very hard indeedio to destroy the hostel at the moment, I walked downstairs this morning to find: 1) The smokers room closed due to fire damage (the booth had been on fire and the seats are ruined) 2) Someone's dinner all over the floor in front of the elevator 3) A couch literally ripped apart and strewn all over the floor and 4) A table spread-legged on the floor.
The place is a MESS.
And on that note, I'll go.
On another topic, someone is trying very hard indeedio to destroy the hostel at the moment, I walked downstairs this morning to find: 1) The smokers room closed due to fire damage (the booth had been on fire and the seats are ruined) 2) Someone's dinner all over the floor in front of the elevator 3) A couch literally ripped apart and strewn all over the floor and 4) A table spread-legged on the floor.
The place is a MESS.
And on that note, I'll go.
Friday, August 11, 2000
Bad Day
Yep, I've had a shocker. In chronological order:
I woke up at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep, so I decided to go downstairs, get some munchies and watch SKY. When I got my munchies my chips got stuck in vending machine, which sucked. After I got sick of that I went back up to my room to go on the net where the cleaner yelled at me for something I didn't do, then proceeded to make me get off the net so she could use my phone.
I walked from one end of Wellington looking for a book and couldn't find it anywhere... my feet ache, and I have no book, if anyone has A Time of Exile by Katherine Kerr, that they wanna sell for $10, E Mail me
Today is also the open day today therefore there are people walking around everywhere, and I don't know 'em all, and they kinda scare me... :(
So basically, today sucks and I wish it'd end...
I woke up at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep, so I decided to go downstairs, get some munchies and watch SKY. When I got my munchies my chips got stuck in vending machine, which sucked. After I got sick of that I went back up to my room to go on the net where the cleaner yelled at me for something I didn't do, then proceeded to make me get off the net so she could use my phone.
I walked from one end of Wellington looking for a book and couldn't find it anywhere... my feet ache, and I have no book, if anyone has A Time of Exile by Katherine Kerr, that they wanna sell for $10, E Mail me
Today is also the open day today therefore there are people walking around everywhere, and I don't know 'em all, and they kinda scare me... :(
So basically, today sucks and I wish it'd end...
Thursday, August 10, 2000
dammit!
So I'm in my Practice Assessment right? I'm supposed to be making a 3 course meal of Pumpkin Soup, Warm Salad of Ling, Duchess Potatoes, Char-Grilled Vegetables and Asian Spiced Roast Chicken. Everything is going great until.... I cut a chunk of my finger off.
Only a little chunk, but a chunk all the same, and it HURT (as you could expect it to) and now I have to actually buy plasters and antiseptic cream, luckily, today's pay day, so as well as all that, I had a few hours in the Student Bar :)
TTTTTUUUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!
Only a little chunk, but a chunk all the same, and it HURT (as you could expect it to) and now I have to actually buy plasters and antiseptic cream, luckily, today's pay day, so as well as all that, I had a few hours in the Student Bar :)
TTTTTUUUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, August 8, 2000
Life, (and other things, infact, mostly other things)
I've taken a day off today, as far as I'm concerned a day off would be good for me. On my day off, I got up, still at the normal time, but enjoyed my breakfast instead of shovelling down my throat. Had a relaxing cigarette, instead of a crappily rolled one as I hurry down Cuba St. I walked back to my room, instead of hastily dashing back up because I forgot something. I've even done some homework, which is something I don't do on my official time off. I've found the next book in the series I'm reading, at a good price, the only problem being I have no money, but still, it means I can buy it when I do, I've settled on my cheeses for the cheese board I'm supposed to design after a trip to New World, and I feel more educated after 2 hours of wondering Te Papa, and relaxed after walking in the Wellington wind on the waterfront... and it's only 12:57pm!! What will the rest of the day have in store for me??
On another topic, last night at dinner a few of my friends organised a petition for better food, raising and outlining our concerns, which they have since presented to the cooks, we're also getting a new cook as of Monday, should be interesting, maybe he has a few more ideas then the last one that served Hamburgers, Hotdogs, Mince, Chicken, Macaroni Cheese and Fish Patties in a rotating cycle...
On another topic, last night at dinner a few of my friends organised a petition for better food, raising and outlining our concerns, which they have since presented to the cooks, we're also getting a new cook as of Monday, should be interesting, maybe he has a few more ideas then the last one that served Hamburgers, Hotdogs, Mince, Chicken, Macaroni Cheese and Fish Patties in a rotating cycle...
Thursday, August 3, 2000
Imagine this...
I'm sitting at my computer, eating a vegie burger and trying to connect to the internet. I freeze, lurch and hurriedly untangle a small metal rod from my half chewed food. I then realise where the small metal rod is from, and hurriedly get up, and run to the mirror where I put the small metal rod back in it's minute little hole in my chin. I then have to actually clean my living area around my computer to find the metal rod's corresponding metal spike (which is about 4mm long, tops). Failing finding it withing 2 minutes I put on my spare invisi-ball and return to the search. Eventually finding it just where my feet go. I then decide a good clean is in order and I am glad I still have mouthwash to cleanse my mouth, needing a small container I am glad I finished my small tub of marmite today. I clean it, fill it with boiling hot water out of the zip down the hall and run back to my room, I get the newly bought anti-bacterial soap from my bathroom-mate that we bought when out shopping today, place a bit of antibacterial mouthwash and saline solution in the jar. Having done this I place the small metal spike, invisiball and finally the metal rod into the jar and shake it up a bit, I clean the outside of my chin with a cotton bud and saline solution, I then cleanse the inside of my mouth with mouthwash/saline solution (note, no it didn't squirt out the hole, yes I tried) I then carefully remove the rod and amazingly, painlessly place it back in it's hole, I then re screw the little metal spike and clean up after myself in the bathroom.
An amazingly long story (I didn't expect it to go that long), but nonetheless, I'm sure you didn't need to know.
An amazingly long story (I didn't expect it to go that long), but nonetheless, I'm sure you didn't need to know.
Wednesday, August 2, 2000
And with a groan we settle down
Was watching TV last night, Havoc and Newsboy to be exact, and you can be sure, that this is not another rant about Newsboy although I did feel incredibly bummed out when during the credits it said "hosted by: Mikey Havoc and Jeremy Wells"... damn!
But I digress, as can be imagined, this show pulled a lot of student interest, and so, watching the show with 20-30 young people, the inevitable tampon ad surfaced.
This was the one for some new Carefree product. It starts with two twins sharing how different they are, one is so much taller, one is older, and they both use different tampons. As soon as the word 'tampon' is mentioned, well the guys groaned in boredom, and the girls groaned in embarrassment.
Isn't this the STUPIDEST thing to advertise, I mean, believe me, girls are going to use these products once a month, with a few exceptions, and it's guaranteed income!! If you want to make lots of money: make tampons, half the population will buy them!!
So why embarrass your customers with some of the STUPIDEST ads out there? I'm reminded of the worst of all "Hi gorgeous, haven't seen you since last month!" I mean, for fucks sakes?!? A talking tampon??!? And who's gunna make a tampon that big anyway, it'd rip the poor girl in half!
Anyway, sorry if I have put someone off their 2 minute noodles, or if I have you cringing in your seat, but it just needed to be said.
But I digress, as can be imagined, this show pulled a lot of student interest, and so, watching the show with 20-30 young people, the inevitable tampon ad surfaced.
This was the one for some new Carefree product. It starts with two twins sharing how different they are, one is so much taller, one is older, and they both use different tampons. As soon as the word 'tampon' is mentioned, well the guys groaned in boredom, and the girls groaned in embarrassment.
Isn't this the STUPIDEST thing to advertise, I mean, believe me, girls are going to use these products once a month, with a few exceptions, and it's guaranteed income!! If you want to make lots of money: make tampons, half the population will buy them!!
So why embarrass your customers with some of the STUPIDEST ads out there? I'm reminded of the worst of all "Hi gorgeous, haven't seen you since last month!" I mean, for fucks sakes?!? A talking tampon??!? And who's gunna make a tampon that big anyway, it'd rip the poor girl in half!
Anyway, sorry if I have put someone off their 2 minute noodles, or if I have you cringing in your seat, but it just needed to be said.
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