Help!

NOTE: This is an archive post from LiveJournal which has been logged here for posterity. The original post was friends-locked.

Well my friends, you are receiving this journal entry (published at http://filmgeeknz.livejournal.com - only visible to those on my friends list, if you wish to be added, email me) as I need advice. To start you all off I'm going to give you a quick introduction to the people I will be mainly talking about in the following text. The first person you need to be aware of will be known as M. As much as I would like to call her ScaryStalkerPersonWhoWon'tLeaveMeTheFuckAlone it's really too long and even SSPWWLMA is a little stupid, so M it is. The second person you are going to need to know about will be referred to as A. Not because his name starts with A, but because he is Australian. I would like to call him ReallyHotManICan'tBeAroundEnough, but again, it's a bit long and RHMICBAE is also pretty retarded.

So having introduced you to the two main characters of our story (more may come about later, but mostly I will only be referring to these two people specifically), I am now going to whisk you back to three weeks ago when a group of us (including M and A) went drinking in a park. This day is also referred to as Bad Friday (yes, it was Easter).

M was aware that I have the hots (to put it mildly) for A and had offerred to go in and find out if anything could or would happen. Kat, being drunk and stupid lets her. M and A go and talk in a corner and M came back to me later with the words (and I quote) "Never going to happen." It is worthwhile here to reiterate that I was drunk, and I really have quite a mad crush on this guy. Two bottles of wine, and a harsh brush off was not going to be putting me in a good mood. This is where things go sour.

M and A join back into the main conversation. A is leaning on a sloped wall directly infront of me. M then goes and leans on his knees. This is by default a reasonably intimate gesture, it brings you very close to the person you are leaning on. All this is going on right infront of me (please remember the drunk and stupid thing) and so I deal with this for a while before the cold, the drink and the jealousy get to me too much and I go home. My final words to the group are "No, I'm fat enough and ugly enough to walk two blocks by myself thanks".

The following is second hand information from a reliable source. Apparently M got the (not so subtle) hint and texted me asking 'are you OK?' My answer went something along the lines of 'No, you two faced cow.' This was apparently relayed to the gathered group at the park and made fun of by M. Meanwhile I went to bed, fuming that this girl had sat there and literally broken me, in using the worst possible wording for letting me down, and then flirting with the object of my affection directly in front of me. (Just writing about it makes me mad all over again!)

It took me almost 24 hours to get over the physical hangover, longer for the mental one. M had been texting and calling me all day. Knocking on my window and generally harassing me when, believe me, the last person I wanted to see was her. I did a lot of study that day stuck in my room and had a few sneaky ciggarettes upstairs where it was harder to find me. Later that night I decided to confront her over what she had done. I was fed an excuse about her 'bad back' and how she 'is just comfortable around men'. She claimed the fact that he is 11 years younger then her (he's 21, she's 32) was another reason 'nothing would ever happen'. This may be so, but I personally put my friendships ahead of everything, and I am very careful about obeying those friend-boy rules (never put a boy before a friend, never go after your friend's boyfriend, never go after or appear to go after the object of your friends affection). Her excuses literally meant shit to me and while I was capable of giving her the benefit of the doubt, I was not capable of trusting her or forgiving her. This is where the trouble really starts.

You see the funny thing about trust is that it's very easy to lose and extremely hard to gain. Many people I've met at my hostel are yet to gain my trust, infact only three people have managed to get it at all. If I trust someone, I am likely to give them a lot of leeway in things that I would not perhaps give a complete stranger, or someone I do not trust. Without any veil of trust however, every power game and annoying habit of M's has come to light.

During the conversation above, M offered to drive me to Whangarei. I had already booked a bus, but this way would have saved me the torment that only a bus can bring. (I paid her the equivelent of my ticket in petrol money). At the time I figured she was sucking up, and I still think it was partially for that reason, but I now know she's playing a power game with me, and I'll illustrate below.

The day before we were due to go, M rang me at work to tell me that A was going to come as well. This was a surprise to me and in the two weeks since Bad Friday I have not got even close to getting over him. Infact, his grace at handling the situation (reliable secondhand information had given me the account his reasoning for nothing happening was because we live together and he was apparently quite nice about it) had if anything made my feelings worse. And he was about to meet my parents.

Those who have actually met my parents know that they're cool, so I wasn't so worried about it but it did seem strange. I happened to mention my mother's habit of assuming anyone I bought home was my partner to M (stupid me) and so she decided that her and A could pretend they were together. My protests on this subject went unheralded - if my mother had asked me about it I would have told her the truth, I was going to have to see this through. I then got to watch her flirting with him (he basically just made it look like it wasn't a complete surprise to him. Actually he didn't do much of the 'couple' thing at all.) Infront of my parents. That, quite frankly was just embarrassing.

On top of her blatent disregard for the 'rules' however, there is another issue. She assumes I want to spend every waking hour with her. All day I am assaulted with text messages, phone calls (sometimes up to four in one day), and knocks on my door. My friends know that if I don't get time to myself I go barmy... I am finding it hard to get time to myself and the last time I needed it I literally had to lie on the floor in my darkened room while she knocked on the window and repeatedly called and texted.

I'm also dragged along on her errands (although this is one I'm able to put my foot down on). I feel like her handbag. I'm getting throughly annoyed and pissed off at the lack of space this crazy woman is giving me.

This woman is 32 - life experience in my 23 years has tought me this behaviour is not normal. Through conversations with other people I know of at least 3 other people who have been through what I am going through. Hints do not work. The last victim of this torment had to tell her to "get the fuck away" from her. I always assumed that at 32 I would be in the middle of my career, with a partner and travelling the world. At 32 this woman is stalking other people and making my life, frankly a nightmare.

My problem is I live with her. I enjoy my hostel, I don't want to move. Imagine high school - the cliques and the backstabbing. This is what it's like, and yet there are some very good eggs among the bad ones. My life isn't all bad, but at the moment this woman is driving me nuts.

Dear friends, people who have proved their worth over many years of friendship, I need your help. I refuse to be hounded and stalked and forced into hiding again. I refuse to let this shit get me down, but I need your advice. You cannot have recieved this email if I don't highly value your friendship and trust you with my life. This woman is becoming scary - Deb you have official permission to use your FuckRake.

HELP!