Don't you hate it when you're on a huge high, then your life, for no particular reason, just crashes and you feel like you're being sat upon by an elephant, so squashed, that you simply cant move at all.
That's how I feel at the moment, I feel that every avenue open to me is closed, not even suicide is an option, every time I look at that door I see my mother, my best friends, and I know that people love me.
Being a student I have no financial security, and being a student who in her depression has come to the conclusion that she doesn't like her course, gives an even smaller amount of security.
Having just been home, and come to this realisation, I kick myself that I didn't stay for 7th form, (this is where my Dad and my friends can tell me they told me so). If I had stayed that extra year, even if I had changed schools, which I was planning to do anyway, had I stayed, then it would have opened all the opportunities to me that I now wish were open.
Being depressed often makes you meditate on your past and future, and at the moment, I don't see too much ahead. With a massive student loan, and banks eating every cent that they can get off you, what exactly can a person do? We are trapped in a system that makes us rely on small pieces of plastic and metal to let us live, those small things, are our life line. We are not controlled by our own minds, we are controlled by small inanimate objects.
The moral of the rant? Money sucks, and we all need more of it.